Veronika's Story

Just before I turned 50 I got a tattoo. It was my 50th birthday present to me. Something I'd never forget (it wasn't free and it wasn't painless) and something that would be part of me for the rest of my life. After all, 50 is a milestone, right? I’d first thought about getting a tattoo when I turned 21. Another milestone. I was in Canada, wondering around Ottawa, when I happened to walk through the dingy tattoo parlour section of town. Every city has one. But I felt that anything that was going to adorn my body for the rest of my life had to make sense, and a butterfly – the only thing I could think of at the time – didn’t really make sense. Fast forward to what feels both like an eternity and a wink in time, 29 years later. I was about to turn 50 and I’d decided that it was now or never, and I finally had an idea that did make sense.

Not long after that, in fact almost immediately, I had a midlife crisis: I decided that the marriage I was in no longer made any sense. It felt like as if I’d woken up from a dream: what the hell am I doing here, in domestic servitude, to this man, who clearly does not love me anymore. And, even worse, probably never did. I am still trying to figure it all out. But I know one thing for sure: it all has something to do with hormones, because somewhere in the middle of all of that I also became recognisably perimenopausal. I know that now, because I’ve become fascinated with this period in every woman’s life. And I know what the signs are. Now. In fact, it is possible that I have been perimenopausal for years. It's just that I didn't have a clue.

I promptly started on HRT to cure what was maybe the worst thing ever: waking up in the middle of the night in a pool of sweat. Having read all about HRT, and the effect of depleting oestrogen on one’s body and brain, I had no hesitation. I was prepared since all things menopause has hit the big time as far as news and social media go, but there had been many signs before. In fact, I’d say there were signs dating back to my early 40’s, to my post IVF phase.

At 40 something I went down that fork in the road called IVF. It was a horrendous experience. Mostly because it failed. All three times. It meant I was having to inject myself with hormones (shout out, a very loud shout out, to all the IVF partners out there: do at least offer to do the least favourite thing of all - the daily injections). And at the end of it all I was left with 3 failed attempts and a body that felt like as if it had been flattened by a meteorite that nobody saw coming.

I felt broken for at least 2 years. I cried and cried at the thought of that fail. I stopped sleeping through the night, my already ridiculously “fine” hair began to be even finer, tinnitus set in, and to be honest, my body has never felt the same. Without saying too much, though I am more than happy to discuss this subject at great length, there is a reason why “vaginal atrophy” have become the two scariest words in my menopause dictionary.

I am incredibly grateful that all of this is happening to me right now. In an age when this period in womens’ lives is beginning to become a multi-billion pound industry and so all of a sudden, the medical profession has raised up it’s head. GPs are learning what I am learning. New studies and products are literally popping up every day, so I see this period in human history as a very lucky one for those of us just beginning the perimenopausal parts of the rest of our lives.I feel lucky that I did not fall into that “lost generation” of women that was ignored and neglected by the medical sphere. So they just got on with it. They got on with the night sweats, the hot flushes, the brain fogs, the vaginal soreness, and weight gain that nobody could help with.

In contrast, I feel so very lucky: the worst of my perimenopause has arrived just as the NHS is turning in our direction, and my GP is learning everything there is to learn at a cracking pace! They do not even appear to mind when I say: Oh and have you heard this podcast? Thanks to this fortuitous timing the future rest of my life appears so bright! And I am determined that women going through all of this now and in the future should feel the same.

In the meantime, this is what I have learned...

• Hot Flushes - If you already have a tendency to flush in the face, and resemble a tomato a lot of the time, these are so embarrassing. HRT helped within a couple of weeks.

• Night Sweats - I live in a freezing house. It is a nightmare waking up in the middle of the night soaking in wetness (it’s hard to call it sweat) and then having to get out of bed and strip in a freezing room and throw towels down to avoid having to sink back into the wet bed, NOOOOOO! Can’t be doing this. HRT helped within a week.

• Tinnitus - I think it’s here to stay. But ear buds really help to disguise that seafoam.

• Sleeplessness - I have yet to find the right cure.There are lots of highly recommended Magnezium blends. Huberman’s blend is so far the best I have heard about. But it is also almost the most expensive. I have not been able to afford the really expensive blends. But what I have learned is that apparently Mg is much better absorbed through the skin, so I use a spray on my feet instead.

• Getting Fat - There’s no nice way to say it. Getting fat as we enter this period of our lives, is a fact. You can read all about it on our symptoms page. And at the beginning, I didn’t want to believe it. 'Oh, Penny Lancaster can’t keep the weight off? Well, cry me a river. Here comes another celebrity who has endless amounts of money and freedom to not have to work, and to just watch her weight and get fit, and here she is, moaning away.' That’s how I feel about most celebrities. They are just so unrelateable. But then it happened; I have always been active, I have always struggled to keep my weight at the same level. But by eating less periodically, and staying active, I have been able to shed what I have accumulated. Now, since perimenopause hit, whatever I do I seem to absorb belly fat. And that is what Penny said. (I am sorry Penny!) But! Phew and relief, there is a way out! And it is not inevitable. To begin with, I joined an all female over 30’s gym. Shout out to FBL (Fitter Bodies Ladies Yr Hendy) who reminded me about the importance of resistance weights training. I have learned that that is the best way to burn fat and to change my shape. And the importance of drinking 2 litres of water a day. And the importance of getting rid processed foods from my diet. Now I have joined the local Gym and I am still experimenting with what is best at the gym, for keeping the fat at bay. When I want to slip up and eat that whole bag of Haribo on the way home from work, and then another because the first went down so fast, I jump on Denise Kirtley’s “fiftyfitnessjourney” Instagram page to remind myself that fat is not inevitable and about what is possible.

  
  

My favourite all things meno Podcast so far, is Dr Lisa Mosconi on the Diary of a CEO. The episode is available as a podcast, head over to our 'Which' page to find this, well as via the Diary of a CEO’s You Tube channel. I recommend the latter because then you can see the charts that Dr Lisa presents to show the impact of peri and menopause on our brains. I think that Dr Lisa is exceptional in that she is doing groundbreaking work in researching how this stage in our life impacts our brains. And my brain is my treasure trove. Click here to watch the YouTube episode.

My favourite novel about the menopause (in fact, the only novel about the menopause that I can think of) is Miranda July’s “All Fours”. It was a funny page turner. (Although I think the end is a bit weak.) But do let me know about any others. I am a bit of a bookworm!

My favourite product so far (and I am happy to be the all-round guinea pig) for all things meno, has been the Vipstick Serum by Hygiene Hero. Yes, it is hideously expensive, but yes, it does what it says on that very little tin. (I have only used the vanilla version, because I love the smell.)

My least favourite thing about all things Meno is that people, even women, still think that it is just a stage! It's here, it will be coped with, and then it will pass. But that's so wrong! If you hit Menopause in your early 50's (the average period for most women) then you will be in post-menopause FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! And if you don't understand what that means, then you are in for a rocky ride. 

So that’s why I am here, telling my story. Because anything that any woman has to say may turn out to trigger those “a ha!” or “wait, what?” bells. I hope that in sharing my story, and in talking about what I have learned about this new period of my life, will help every single one of you who have read all the way through to right here: The End. Or, as many of us now know, The Beginning.